Midnight Page Starts Now


Yak. H +1 mom’s identity crisis.

Day 1 of finding myself back.

Setelah mengalami kegagalan luar biasa ketika bikin kue2 buat hari lahir kinul, diri ini mendapatkan reality check : masak dan baking bukanlah keahlian utamaku. Hahaha, menyakitkan. Apalah awak ini. Emak2 rumah tangga tapi ga becus masak dan bikin2.

Ya aku bakal tetep masak sih karena cooking is part of family’s survival – physically, mentally, and financially. Haha, ya udah tau lah ya kalo homemade dishes itu lebih murah daripada take out dan lebih sehat daripada warteg. Dan masakanku most of the time edible kok and healthy too.

Namun, aku butuh mengembangkan skill set yang asik dan therapeutic. Jadi, aku balik lagi aja nulis. Writing and language learning is kinda my long life passion, even though my degree is engineering. And I did pretty well, even though it never really got me far. (sedih ya, even though mulu, haha)

Yak, jadi mari kita kembali menggali dan mengembangkan passion terpendam dan so so ini menjadi sesuatu yang lebih berguna. Dimulai dengan menulis tanpa putus tiap hari!

I kinda forget but there was a saying that when you want to excel at something, you have to be able to do that everyday of the week, even in holiday.

Ya mungkin ga seekstrem itu gpp ya,, tapi pada intinya, keahlian itu membutuhkan kerja keras dan ketekunan. Perseverance.

Alright, this would be my first post. I call this project as midnight page, considering I can write (sorta) peacefully when my baby and bojo is asleep. Hehe.

Sebenernya masih pengen nulis tentang sertifikasi.. Tapi udah jam 12 euy. Tadi si bayi mewek minta mimik. Yah, pending topic buat besok deh.

Kita tutup postingan ini dengan bismillah. Semoga bisa istiqomah mengembangkan diri. Bukan sekedar buat diri sendiri, melainkan supaya bisa berguna di jalan Allah.

(Ya gw bukan ulama sih,, cuma sebagai pengingat diri aja..)

Mata ne!

#midnightpage #projectwriting #findingmyselfback


Good Night

A good night indeed. The baby and the bojo is sleeping. Bihihi.

This is my me-time~~ Doing my thesis (a little), blogging (a little too), and kriyip2 (the most). Buhu. I’m truly sleepy. But hey, being able to have a me-time after 3 months is a cause for celebration! And I’m going to celebrate it by writing a bit.

After being a mom, I’m thinking of reactivate my blog.

Yeah. Mau ngapain lagi coba emak2 jaman sekarang. Kalo ga ngurus anak-suami, paling ya kongkow (entah di mall, coffe shop, atau masjid), ngurus ol.shop, or ngeblog. So I choose blogging.

But then, a little hiccup. Which blog should I reactivate? Bahaha. Maklum, sisa2 blog jaman labil..

So I choose this one. And I cant believe the name of “The Aegis” is still relevant. Hihi. Back then I chose it because I loved Gundam. It’s the first Gundam of Athrun Zala in Gundam Seed (oh my, i still remember the cast). And now, because i’m a mom, aegis is a name that brings hope and prayer. It means protection and support. Just like what I want to be for my family.

But I still keep my tumblr too. I love the cute things I post and liked there~~ Hiburan banget, di antara serbuan berita dan iklan sinetron turki.

Wah. Its already dawn. I need to have some sleep.

So chao! Mata ashita~

Change is Bad

I always believe that change is good. So, when I heard my mom had to move to other school, I was excited. Moreover, her new school is a leading vocational school in hospitality. I thought, “This is great. Finally she gets the best school and students to teach.

Unfortunately, this transfer, or what they call ‘mutation’ has negative stamps all over it. Those who are transferred are considered worthless or maybe pain in the ass by headmaster of the old school.

That is weird. My mom is loved by her co-workers and especially her students. She gets a lot of presents and thank you notes from the inspired students, even from the alumni. She also gets along with other teachers. She coordinates English teachers team. All those people are willing to give positive testimonials about her, proven by the rave going in her old school.

Not to mention her achievements. She got the highest TOEIC scores at school.. She trained many English debate teams and many other competition. They won most of them.

The worst part is, she didn’t get a desk or cubicle in her new school. Oh men. Come on. You are one of the best school in Surabaya and you can’t get a desk for 1 teacher. Give me a break.

Surely, those things make her feel kind of down in the dump.

After I know the downside of being transferred, I feel kind of burned up. I am not angry about my mom undergoing a mutation. I’ll say it is inevitable. What I hate is the fact that why there should be a negative stamp on mutation. What kind of policy is that? Who makes that call?

At first I planned to criticize the policy by writing opinion letter in newspaper (hoping anyone is willing to publish :p), but then I thought back. Well, mutation also happens (way a lot) in other institutions. Small mistakes, and Mr XYZ will find himself drowning and serving in a remote area. Due to that broadly known tradition (without considering whether it is bad or good), I cancel my plan. I write it in a more personal and informal way in here, instead.

Maybe this writing won’t get anywhere. I am not sure anymore why I should write anything. Maybe I just want to defend my mom’s honor. You know, I grow up watching her work her tail off to perform her best. She buckles down even at midnight in order to prepare her materials. Also, in her fifties, she is still willing and eager to learn about IT & computer while her other friends just give up. Her determination is one to admire.

She has worked that hard to teach. And it pays off. Her students and colleagues respect her. I think that is the most important thing. In the end, people who rate teachers’ performance are the students. Sure, there must be people who don’t like her personally or hate what she does. Well, you can’t please everybody. As long as those little warm gifts and thank you notes are on her table, we should be grateful.

Besides, remember At-Taubah: 9?

And say (O Muhammad SAW) “Do deeds! Allah will see you deeds, and (so will) His Messenger and the believers. And you will be brought back to the All-Known of the unseen and the seen. Then He will inform you of what you used to do.”

As long as we have Allah, we’re gonna be find. I’m sure she will perform as well as she did back then. And sure, she will inspire her new friends and students along the way. Bismillah.

Happy birthday, Mom.

May you always find serenity and serendipity wherever you are.


It’s been almost 3 years since I wrote here. Clicking back through those past posts,, is nostalgic; seeing where I was, looking where I am. There is always this tingling feeling of guilt when you (particularly, I) read your (definitively, mine) old journal..

The old page of “Kulo Aku Saya Beta” shows the dreamy-teenage me.

The precious page of “CisInBar 1” shows how I do appreciate my days in Bandung.

The particular post of “What It Means To Be A Planner” somehow warms my heart.

When I decide to blog again, I think of deleting those old juvenile posts, or creating new blog. But, nah. I choose to use this blog, still. And making those posts as memento.

If I ever go astray again, I shall read this.

Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.” – Rick Warren

*Postingan pertama kok mellow gini. Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation..*



Dulu, temanku pernah bertanya dalam suatu forum kecil kepada si teteh,

Teh, saya pernah tau, bahwa katanya islam itu akan terpecah menjadi 72 golongan dan hanya satu golongan yang akan masuk surga. Kok ngeri, Teh.

Pikirku saat itu, “Hah. masa’ Allah tega sih. Bukannya perbedaan interpretasi tidak mungkin terhindarkan?”

Namun jawaban si teteh sama sekali tidak memuaskan buat saya, “Makanya Dek, emangharus hati-hati pilih jamaah.”

Jawaban yang menurutku sangat subjektif dan mengandung maksud serta arahan tertentu. Jawaban yang malah membuat saya enggan menjebakkan diri dalam satu nama golongan.

4 tahun berlalu dari masa itu. Saya sedang santai membuka Quran kenang-kenangan umroh. Lalu saya temukan,

It has been narated by Abu Hurairah RA, in the hadits book (At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Abu Dawud) that the Prophet Muhammad SAW said;

The Jews and Christians were divided into 71 or 72 religious sects and this nation will be divided into 73 religious sects – all in Hell, except one, and that one is the one on which I and my companions are today. [i.e following the Qur’an and the Prophet’s Sunnah]

dalam penjelasan petikan ayat QS. Ali Imran 3: 103;

And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allah (i.e this Quran), and be not divided among yourselves.

Rupanya teman saya itu salah mengutip. Yang terpecah itu bukan islam, melainkan yahudi dan kriten. Islam tetap teguh terhitung sebagai satu golongan. one religious sect.

Men, satu. Satu Islam. Satu Iman.

Lalu, mengapa jadi terpecah-pecah begini. Tiap golongan tidak menerima golongan yang lain. Tiap golongan merasa benar sendiri.

Mengapa tidak cukup berpikiran, bahwa selama patuh pada Quran dan Sunnah, mereka dan kita adalah sesama muslim. ck.

Love Me Not

I don’t want to be loved because of my eyes. They will wear out or get teary.
Then you won’t love me anymore.

I don’t want to be loved because of my smile. My lips won’t all the time make that wonderful curves. Sometimes it will pout or shout.
Then you won’t love me anymore.

I don’t want to be loved because of my critical thinking. One day I may be tired and just node to majority.
Then you wills stop loving me.

I don’t want to be loved because of my brain. Someday I may get dementia and stop thinking.
Then you will stop loving me.

I don’t want you to love me because of my divine religion, for that I have my down time.
Then you will leave me and not love me.

I want you to love me because you already ask Allah if we’re allowed to get together. When we based our love on Allah, we love each other and stand the test of time.

I feel a bit stupid to post this thing. Damn. Well, never mind, just so you know.

Untold Story: Compromise

Mom : What does he do for living?

Girl : He is a freelance journalist, for now.

Mom : Well, it means you need to find a permanent job.

Few days later, the boy stunned, “She didn’t write me off the candidates list?”

Hahaha, boy, finding the one is not about rejecting someone who doesn’t meet the criteria of an ideal spouse, but how to compromise those (what you called) weak points so that we can be strong and settled together.. especially, if that someone is a boy you truly care about.